Pride: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Pride is a really, really, really big deal.  It is one of the most important things to get right in this life. How you manage pride will not only affect your life here on earth, but it may well determine how and where you spend eternity.

Definition:  Pride is a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from

1. One’s own achievements,
2. The achievements of those you are closely associated, or
3. From personal qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

Examples:

1. “He is proud of his degree from a prestigious university”
2. “He is proud of his daughter’s performance in the school play”
3. “He takes great pride in his appearance”

Pride is an important and necessary foundation for healthy mental function. However, misguided pride is at the root of most evils.

The critical differences between healthy and unhealthy pride is the “Why” behind it.  Pride is healthy when it is focused on producing usefulness for others. Pride is unhealthy when it only serves yourself.

Healthy pride (The Good)

1. He was proud of placing high in his class at a well-recognized university because it will open doors, enable him to get a good job, and allow him to make a real difference in peoples lives.
2. He was proud of his daughter’s performance in the play because she worked hard in preparation and she is clearly growing as a competant individual.
3. He takes pride in his physical fitness because it will enable him to live a long and productive life

Unhealthy pride (The Bad)

• He was proud of being accepted at 15 schools because it was 5 more than any of his friends and proves he is better than them.
• He always worked extra hours, even when there wasn’t much to do,  just so people would notice him and comment on his dedication, it made him feel useful.
• We was proud of owning the biggest house on the block, it made him feel important.
• He got a brand new fancy sports car every year and parked it prominently outside because he knew the neighbors would see it every time they went by and they would think more highly of him, and maybe even become jealous.

You can start to get the picture:  When it is all about ME it can become an issue.

I found it helpful to connect the dots with a few of the things I was proud of.  I came to appreciate that the fancy ski boat I was very proud of was really just a vehicle to connect with people and build a social network around healthy outdoor sports activities.  Recognizing that purpose shifted my thoughts more towards “how can I create an even better waterskiing experience for this group of people”, and away from “how can I make my boat look more beautiful”. 

Exercise: Think about the various things you are proud of in your life (Physical self, Talents/Skills, Education, Accomplishments, Family, Job, Wealth, Possessions, etc). Ask yourself a couple questions: 1)  Can you connect each of them to providing usefulness for others? 2)  Have you been more focused on the “it” or on its usefulness?  Reflect and adjust as needed.

A little bit on how Pride works;

Pride is a relative thing, it requires two parts: Your own mental self-image, and something to compare to.  Both can be a challenge to get right, and both can be a source of issues if you get them wrong..

Your Self image:

• How do you view yourself – mental and physical capabilities, competency, integrity, ambition, spiritual position with God?
• There is a lot of literature on how to maintain a healthy self-image.
• Jordan Peterson is one of the best. Recommend his 12 rules book and videos. <Link here>

The comparison image:

• Who are you positioning against, and how do you view them
• You make important comparisons in two directions:
  • Horizontally: You vs other People
  • Vertically: You vs God
• With other people you are evaluating their mental or physical capabilities, social status, reputation, education, wealth, spiritual worthiness, etc.  

• With God you are characterizing His role in your life. It is a direct function of your understanding and beliefs. Do you acknowledge His existence, His role in creating and sustaining the universe, and His role in creating and sustaining your life.  Who is really doing all the doing? Do you take all the credit?  Do you acknowledge Him in your head? Do you give Him credit publicly?

So given that framework, here are some of the Ugly(s):

• Self-Centeredness – Selfishness – It is all about “Me”
  • This is the root of most undesirable situations
    • “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3)
• Pride – pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from personal qualities or possessions that are widely admired. – It is healthy when it is focused on creating useful function for others. It is unhealthy when focused only on yourself.
• Pride is considered the deadlies sin because it can get in the way of positive inflow from the lord. And with out positive inflow you will die spiritually and spend a long etenrity without the Joy of His love filling you.
  • “Pride goes before destruction,
    And a haughty spirit before a fall.”(Proverbs 16:18)
  • For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.(James 3:16)
  • For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.(1 John 2:16)

• Arrogance: Thinking you are above the need for input from others
  • If you do not recognize God is the source of everything you are and everything you do, it is a form of arrogance – and it violates the great commandment – Love God with all your heart.
  • Arrogance also manifests as not being willing to listen or not being coach-able.
    • “To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.” (Proverbs 8:13)
    • “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” (Proverbs 13:10)

• Judgement – positioning yourself above anyone else – seeing them as beneath you – less capable in some way, less moral, less fortunate, poor, homeless, injured. You are all children of God and equal in his eyes.
• Vanity – Striving to increase your own reputation
  • Doing things for your own physical appearance in excess of practical function
  • Doing extra activities just so that people will notice – workaholic
  • Seeking “credit” for doing charitable things – charity should be done anonymously – God will give you credit
    • “Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. (Matthew 6:1)
• Boasting:
  • This is what the LORD says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches (Jeremiah 9:23)

• Jealousy – Feeling you are missing out on something and you covet or desire what they have.
  • “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else”. (Galatians 6:4)
• Murder – Take action to bring someone else down – Physically kill or verbally speak against them. To do this you do not see them as equal in Gods eyes.
• Lust – Wanting something for yourself without a proper and useful purpose for it.  
• Adultery – Taking something precious from someone else for yourself.

Exercise 2: How do you look at other people? Do you ever compare yourself to them? Is that constructive or just self serving? Do you see each and every individual person in this world as a child of God… worthy of His love?

Exercise 3:  Who is responsible for all you have accomplished? Do you take all the credit?  Who created you?  Who gave you natural skills and capabilities?  Who presents opportunities to use them? Who allows you to breath every second of every day?   Do you acknowledge Him in your head? Do you give Him credit publicly? Do you really love Him with all your heart?

Pride can be a huge barrier for an effective relationship with God.  You need to get over yourself and acknowledge Him and His role just to get started.  Once you do that, you can work your way out of the self-centered mindset you were born into and are continually conditioned by during life in this world.  Once you see yourself as a vessel of God’s love and recognize your purpose here is to be useful to God’s other children, you will be well on your way to an effective relationship with Him. 

Hope this helps.  Leave a comment. Happy to discuss.